It wouldn’t take a genius to figure out that his year hadn’t gone the way I wanted it to. For the longest time I stopped trying, I just…didn’t see the point in anything.
Starting the year off that way, I feel, was the reason the rest of the year more or less continued to be filled with a lot of sadness and more-than-occasional self loathing. But I can’t pretend the year was all that horrible. I made new friends, stayed in touch with a few of my old ones, watched my best friend’s dream of writing a series come true and had the honor of having my name be in the dedication. I travelled, ate a corn dog for the first time, hit a major blogging goal of mine and opened up more on here.
There have been high highs and incredibly low lows but overall I’m not as happy as I want to be. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that sometimes happiness is a decision. There are bad days, that’s normal, but the only way you get past that is by actively trying to create some sort of change,and that’s exactly what I’m trying to do.
a list of things i will achieve in 2019
Listen to new music
Music has always had a major impact on me. Recently, my sister and I were having a conversation about mental health and our lives and one of the things that came up was how changing the music she listened to impacted her happiness. To summarize what she said it was something along the lines of ‘it’s comforting to listen to ‘sad’ music but at the end of the day nothing changes, it’s just you listening to the same music and you’re just replaying the same sad events over and over again for months’ and that made perfect sense to me.
In 2019, I intend to say goodbye to some of the songs I used to listen to, in hopes that if I stop replaying the past I can make a future for myself that makes my heart happy.
Join a sports team
One of my major goals for 2019 is to get my health at a good place. I spent a bunch of time in and out of hospital being treated for anemia and it was the most frustrating thing ever. Mainly because I was too weak to do a lot of things. I stopped doing sport at the beginning of April, as some of you may know I ended up in a mental health facility or to put it bluntly, rehab. For some reason I just haven’t been able to get back into being active again. I stopped exercising completely, which is why I figure the best way to start is at full speed.
If you haven’t already seen my post about this super exciting, super special, super important blogging series I’m starting in 2019, you should.
I want to give this my all. I want to make myself proud, and make you proud, and start a conversation, and help people, maybe even be part of the reason they decid
Invest in my future
Save. Save. Save.
I think I’ve said this before, nope, I definitely have but I’ve wanted to go to Russia since I was 3 years old. That hasn’t changed. In fact, I probably want to go more now, than I ever have before. I’ve been learning Russian for the past few months but in between school and life, I’ve completely fallen off track. I need to get back on the bandwagon.
Be more social
Over the past year, I’ve become more and more anxious about social situations. The thought alone of having to make conversation or be around people was enough to give me a full blown panic attack. This isn’t the type of thing you jump straight into, it takes a bunch of small steps and I’m willing to try them, I don’t want to do anything halfway. I want to be able to contribute to conversations again and not have to question what I’ve said or what they’re thinking. I want to be able to do public speaking and debating again, I want my voice back.
Drink more water
People always ask me why I don’t have pimples, and everyone’s expecting me to give them this fancy facial routine and I can’t because I don’t have one. Truth be told, I’m too lazy to come up with one so water has been the one and only thing keeping my skin somewhat under control.
Speaking of skin, Em Ford has this new series, Redefine Pretty which I definitely think is worth a watch. Whether or not, you struggle with finding confidence in your skin the message is super important.
Work on my mental health
I have every intention of putting myself first in 2019. “Mental health over every damn thing”.
This comes along with my goal of improving my writing. The thing about blogging, and just writing in general is that they’re a million different ways of doing it and I want to experiment with that. My writing has improved majorly over the past year and that’s solely because I put so much effort into everything that I wrote, and whilst at the time I didn’t do it every day, I have since July and it’s already made such a difference.
It doesn’t always have to be these long flowy paragraphs sometimes it’s just, this is how my day went and that’s okay.
Organise my life
The last time I remember having my life together was January, right after I posted my How to Slay 2018 blog post and then life happened. I want to get back to the point in my life where I had a system that worked for me because that made school and blogging a million times easier. I’ve already kind of decided on the system I’m going to use, I used it back in 2017 when my life was still very busy but having that system made it a lot less chaotic.
Anyway Blogmas is coming up so you’ll be hearing all about that later.
‘Happy things’ journal
I know Jenna Koenig had something similar to a happy things journal except hers was for art. Mine is probably just going to consist of things that make/made my heart happy at some point. I think the main reason I thought of this was because it’s super easy to think of all the bad things in a situation and you never really pay much attention to all the positives and sometimes you just need a reminder.
Start my own K’s journal
My brother has this notebook where he writes all his observations?? I’m 99.9% sure observations isn’t even the right word, anyway, it’s full of quotes and thoughts and the other day I found one in the notes section of my phone. One of the things I loved about reading that note was that I found it at a time when I needed to hear that kind of message, that and it’s kind of like everything he says/thinks comes out sounding deep and philosophical and I love that.
Which is why I wanted to start my own because he wouldn’t let me have his lol. I just think it’ll be really cool to look back on this someday and have this book full of things that I learned/ got me through moments of sadness/chaos.
Rate my mood everyday
I could’ve put this under work on my mental health BUT I tend to forget about this type of thing if it’s not written separately. I’ve been using the app, Pacifica to rate my mood for the past week and it’s helped majorly. Once you’ve filled in your ‘mood entry’ it offers a bunch of suggestions to improve your mood/day, it makes finding the positives in each day so much easier and I can’t recommend it enough.
What are your goals for 2019?