It’s one of those nights where I’ve been reading your posts because at times like this they’re the only things that make me feel better, the reason I don’t feel so alone. I don’t know why I’m like this. I don’t know why I have all these feelings. They seem so much bigger than me. So hard for me to handle. Some days I wonder what’ll happen when I finally explode and what it’ll be like to have my feelings scattered on the floor like confetti, for everyone to see.
I want to shove everything into a box and just have everything stop for a minute. Sometimes the idea of being cold hearted seems better than having all these feelings. I write that a lot you know. I want things to stop. I need everything to just stop for a minute. Make it stop. Please. Make it stop. I write that a lot, all the time actually.
Maybe, someday things won’t hurt so much and I won’t cry at 11pm anymore.
My mood exhaust me. All of this exhausts me. I just need the whole world to stop for a bit, does that make sense? Long enough for me to just breathe and not feel like I’m drowning and my head’s full and stuffy and I’m just so. friggen. tired.
I hate school. I hate feeling trapped in school, in this life, in my mind. I just want a break from it all. Is that too much to ask for?