its not 11:11 but here’s my one wish for you in 2019

In 2019,

I hope that whatever happens you choose to love yourself and be happy. And not give up when you feel like those aren’t options anymore. You’re incredible, even if you don’t see that yet. I believe in you

I love you endlessly

xxxChips

Thank you for putting up with me, and loving me and caring and being you. Thank you for being the reason I didn’t give up completely, and for being the reason I got back up. I appreciate you. And you will always be more than just a pretty face.

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End of Year Reflection -2018

Heyyooo,

I thought I’d do a short little post today and I figured what better way to end off this year than with a reflect with me. I’m not even going to bother with making the intro any longer because the more I write, the cringier it gets😂😂 So without further ado:

What one event are you going to tell your grandkids about?

Rehab-life changing

Describe 2018 in three words

OH.MY.CHEESECAKE!!!

What or who are you most thankful for?

I’m thankful for therapy, and the friends I made in rehab, my old psychiatrist and psychologist, the blogosphere. I literally would not be here without any of those things and I’m eternally thankful.

If someone wrote a book about your year, what genre would it be?

I lowkey want to say horror butttt, drama,straight up. That’s my life in a nutshell, that stuff follows me everywhere.Sometimes I’ll look back on my day and question how it’s possible that I don’t have a reality tv show yet😂

What had the biggest positive impact on your life this year?

The blogosphere. Honestly, I’m constantly blown away by how kind and loving and supportive and understanding and open-minded everyone is. It’s brought so much light into my life.

What activities made you lose track of time this year?

Writing, listening to Frank Ocean, daydreaming, trampolining , art therapy

What was the most important lesson you learnt in 2018?

Mental health comes first, always.

What was your favourite moment spent with friends?

A few weeks after I got out of rehab my friend V, came to visit Joburg because she’d moved away and we went trampolining and I didn’t touch my phone the entire day because I was just so happy and in the moment and it was just a really magical day.

What major goal did you lay the foundation for?

-Talking more about mental health

》Friday 6PM

》Talking about my personal experiences more

What book/movie affected your life in a profound way?

The Catcher In The Rye by J.D Salinger

What did you discover about yourself?

I’ve discovered that I don’t really reach out to people when I need help, which is sad but understandable because I’m reluctant to lean on people in case they leave me lol.
xxxChips

Dear x

I haven’t completely made up my mind about how I feel about x after hearing all the rumours that have been circulating about him, and tbh, I feel like I would be happier not doing so, so I won’t. This letter is centred around xxxtentacion’s album 17. I wasn’t even going to insert an intro because I’m bad at those but just thought I’d give you some context. So this is my letter to Jahseh Dwayne Ricardo Onfroy, and the I have nothing else to say, so here goes:

♤♤

Dear X

It’s crazy to think that I probably would’ve never heard of you without one of my close friends. At the time, I was severely depressed and in one of the rare moments that I actually felt comfortable talking about my feelings and explained to her why I self harmed, she suggested that I listen to your music.

I’m sorry to say that your music didn’t numb my depression, my depression numbed me but that’s besides the point. The point is that in a time when I felt like I had nobody except my friends and felt like a burden, even to them, you were there. Your music was there but it felt like more, and it was. It felt like a mutual understanding between two people who felt broken, a promise to be there when it felt like there was nobody else.

I remember crying, the first time I listened to Carry On. At the time I was going through this really complicated thing that was so much more than just friendship between me and this boy. And the truth is, I loved him. I still do, but it’s different now, I once said to someone that I don’t think love ever goes away, it just becomes a different type of love or it’s less intense, I still believe that. Because to me it’s the only logical explanation to why I still run back to him to this day, why he’s the only person who can make me feel better in minutes. Because love love became friendship love.

I tend to get distracted when I write, sorry.

I clung to your music like a piece of driftwood at a time when I was drowning and it was the only thing in sight that could have saved me. I broke down and built myself back together again countlessly as I listened to 17, because that album was so much more than just your thoughts X, every word was one I had never been able to say aloud and it felt like an invasion of my every thought and feeling in the most beautiful way possible.

Because I wasn’t alone anymore. I had you and the millions of other people who had listened to 17 and felt similar to the way I did. And that was enough, that was enough to get me through one of the hardest times of my life. I cannot thank you enough, at a time when I couldn’t see the light you sat with me in the darkness. I totally read that off of Pinterest, but hey, at least I’m honest about it lol.

I never got to see you perform.

But things hurt less because of your music. And when I’m still hurting as Jocelyn Flores blasts through my earphones, I know I’ll be okay someday.

That’s all I ever needed to know.

♤♤

xxxChips

ranting about and boosting all my favourite bloggers pt.1

Heyyooo

This post was inspired by May from Forever and Everly, (she’s linked below) whose own post helped me find so many new faves and I thought I would do the same. Disclaimer: If you’re not mentioned here, I still love you and you’re incredible.

~♡~

Chloe Luna @ Midnight Wanderer

Chloe was one of the first bloggers I followed on WordPress and the second I opened up one of her posts I was blown away by not just her writing, but her as a person. She’s such a genuine, kind soul and I look up to her so much and if my writing is ever half as good as hers is then that’s more than enough for me. She’s so gifted and she has this ability to evoke feelings inside you to the point that you didn’t even realise it was possible to feel that deeply about something. I’m constantly in awe of her, and I love how real she is about everything because that takes guts, and she is one of the bravest people I know.

Favourite Posts

because the night

second chances

who are you, really

May @ Forever and Everly

May opened me up to the world of book bloggers. For those of you who’ve only recently started following me, it’s been my dream to be a writer since I was about 3 and reading May’s posts gave me the push I needed to chase that dream. Not only that but she’s so relatable, and I love that about her, I love that she’s honest about her struggles and life and that her humor comes through in every single one of her posts. She’s got such a knack for making people smile and I’m constantly learning new things through reading her blog, which I think is the coolest thing ever.

Favourite Posts

Writerly Update (My First in Forever??: Introducing my SIP and characters!! Featuring snippets! Aesthetics! A Mess!!

Halfway Through The Year: How am I doing on my 2018 goals? And making goals for the coming school year

May’ s Moments of the Month: November

Monika @ Destination Humanity

I’m just about ready to move halfway across the world so I can tell Monika how I appreciate her in person. I’ve been following her since the very beginning of my blogging journey and I’m so glad that I’ve gotten to witness how much she’s grown as a person. I’m the type of person who would get attached to books because past experiences have like embedded this belief that that is safer than getting attached to people. And I remember the very first time I read The Catcher In The Rye and there’s this quote right near the end of the book that always brings me to tears:

“Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody’s around – nobody big, I mean – except me. And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff – I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be.” J. D. Salinger

And I remember feeling understood and comforted and grateful that books like that existed, and so many more things that I still to this day cannot completely process or understand. And I feel the exact same way about Monika and her blog and her photography which has left me feeling whole and broken and raw and happy all at once on multiple occasions.

But back to what I was saying, I just… gosh this is hard because there’s so much that I want to say but I have no idea how to. Just read some of her posts and you’ll understand exactly what it was trying to say but couldn’t.

Favourite Posts:

words/colours/grain

antechamber

a recipe

Natalie @ Natalies Alchemy

I haven’t been following Natalie for as long as the others but I truly do love her blog. It’s all about self improvement and wellbeing and blogs like her are some Of my faves to follow simply because I find them really uplifting and motivational. And honestly I could rant about this for hours but I’m so so so I’m love with how aesthetically pleasing her blog is!!

Favourite Posts

2018 summer goals recap

July Diaries.2018

My(ten) 2018 goals

That’s it for this post, I was thinking of making it long but then my hands started aching from all the typing so I decided to split it into parts. I hope you enjoyed this post because it was really fun to write and hopefully you find some new favourite bloggers!

Previous posts:

~♡~

Revealing my WIP

How to find motivation as a blogger

My 2019 goals


xxxChips

Be A Little ‘Sadder’

Be a little ‘sadder’❤

A Light In The Darkness

Disclaimer: this post could be seen as a bit controversial. I just want to begin by saying that I’m not blaming anyone, I’m simply sharing my experiences and opinions and, as always, feel totally free to comment below if you disagree. I would love to hear your thoughts.

In our society so many positive things are labeled as negatives. Putting effort into something or taking it seriously is seen as ‘lame’ and having a dream and putting all your heart into following it is seen as ‘sad’.

I have had many experiences of people telling me that something I’ve done or made or that something I strongly believe in is ‘cringy’. Who are they to tell me that?

They don’t understand the motivation and dedication it takes to get up and go to work every day of your summer holidays to fund for something you love to do. They don’t…

View original post 326 more words

REVEALING MY WIP

Heyoo

I’d had this post sitting in my drafts unfinished for a while because I honestly didn’t know what I was doing with my novel but it’s less of a wreck now so I thought I’d share this because I mentioned this sometime last year maybe? I just can’t keep the excitement contained anymore.

I planned on writing this during Nanowrimo but life decided to slap me in the face with exams and I didn’t get to write as much as I wanted to but now that school is closed I’m FREEEEEEE to sleep every day and eat cake write!

Anyway…


🥞What was your inspiration for your novel

☽ Tumblr prompts played a MAJOR part, I’ve always wanted to write a story/novel/i don’t even know what it is at this point but finding a plot has always been something I struggled with.Majorly.

And then I found this page on Tumblr full of prompts that were free for anyone to use and I just elaborated on the prompt and added a bunch of my own stuff that I’d been wanting to use from the other times I’d attempted writing a story.* And then I just kept adding stuff until it wasn’t even remotely similar to the original prompt and now I have this self-made mess that I’m trying to wrap my head around.

I’ve been wanting to write this since…umm?? March? January? My memory has always been atrocious lol

*roughly 4 million but who’s counting

🥞Describe what your novel is about!

I haven’t actually, fully thought that through yet *laughs nervously*. I have a basic and I mean BASIC outline, and like two character names; this is very much a work in progress.

I will however, say this, and this like ALL I have so far

        • a girl who gets shipped off to another state/city … after a suicide attempt
        • a bad boy (because it wouldn’t be a good cliche story without one)
        • should i reveal more??
        • nahhhh
        • Just one more…
        • MC’s name is Cassidy

🥞What is your book’s aesthetic?

2018-10-21-2.png

Introduce us to each of your characters!

☽Cassidy

-17

– blunt

-Spanish

– has depression???

– protective

– (she/her)

-extroverted

☽Dakota

-18

-badboy

-loyal

-honest

– observative

-(he/his)

🥞How do you prepare to write?

Outlining really helps. I started with using Cait’s How To Outline Your Novel (Without Biting Your Own Head Off) and then made a board on the app, Trello with all the little bits and pieces I wanted in the story and then moved them around until I had a “timeline”. But the abundance of chocolate hidden around the house helps too.

🥞What are you most looking forward to about this novel?

Finishing it. Don’t get me wrong writing is fun but it’s a lot I’ve literally only written a chapters but I have never felt such a level of complete and utter exhaustion. No amount of cake could’ve prepared me for this. I’m really excited to see where writing this takes me, I’ve never written a story before and I’m Nano newbie so everything about this is new and exciting for me

🥞List 3 things about your novel’s setting.

-San Diego

-Possibly Manhattan

-I know nothing else

🥞What’s your character’s goal and who (or what) stands in the way?

Happiness.

Self sabotaging

Flynn

🥞How does your protagonist change by the end of the novel?

I still have no idea how my novel ends but by the end I want her to grow as much as I feel I have over the past few years. I want her to have the hope, I sadly lack more times than I’d care to admit. And I want her to be happy and confident and love herself flaws and all.

🥞Book themes!?

Accepting the past? Learning to move on? Death? Finding love in unexpected places?

🥞Snippets

But just one…

I guess that’s it for now. Did any of you participate in Nanowrimo?

xxxChips

what to do when you lose motivation to blog|blogmas 2018

🌤ted talks

 

🌤read other blogs

This helps you figure out what kind of content you like reading and are more likely to enjoy writing, it’s kind of like a pick and mix at a sweet shop, at the end of the day the key thing to remember is that your blog is yours. You don’t have to stay stuck doing the same thing forever. If you don’t like something: change it. If something doesn’t interest you:change it. And if you find something that does: make it yours.

🌤make a Pinterest board of how you envision your blog and fill it with anything that catches your eye

 

2018-11-26 (1)

Are we friends on Pinterest?

🌤redesign your blog/ start a new one

If you’ve been following my blogging journey for a while you know exactly how often I’ve changed my theme in the past. Sometimes giving your blog a new look is exactly what you need and if that doesn’t work you can always start a new one for all your I’m-not-to-sure-what-I’m-doing posts until you figure out what you’re passionate about.

🌤redefine your goals

A lot of times the reason we lose motivation is because our goals don’t align with what we want at the moment, take some time to reassess what you want.

🌤take a break

Say goodbye to blogging for a bit. For some this is scary because there’s always that fear of what if I lose all my engagement once I’m back but I definitely think it’s necessary to take a break from blogging at least a few times during your blogging journey to avoid burnout and spend some time focused solely on yourself.

xxxChips

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